As we know, the Second Temple was destroyed because of sin'at hinam - senseless hatred. Not only hating others, but hating ourselves. In fact, we usually turn a negative eye toward others because we are not satisfied with our own lives. We end up disliking ourselves because our expectations of ourselves are all wrong. Quite often they are too high, but really they should be high - we are all really wonderful, capable people. But they are high and over there, or off to that side. I want to be good at what he's good at. For example, I get angry at myself because I get angry. What I'm really saying is, I'm above anger. I'm so perfect I shouldn't be getting angry. Well, obviously you're not above anger, because you got angry. Proof's in the puddin', man. You's an angry guy. As long as you go kiddin' yo'self that you ain't angry, you's gonna git angry at the fact that you just got angry again. But if you accept, for the time being, that you have anger in you, you won't get so upset. Most traits follow this pattern - you get sad because you get sad, you get lazy because you get lazy. Interesting. Anyway, rather than get angry at one's self, one should be humble, accept that you are in the midst of a struggle, enjoy the small victories, wait. In the Shema, in the second paragraph, is the promise of great reward - rain, crops, wine. What do we do to deserve it? Serve G-d to the utmost of our abilities, right? Well, sort of. Really it says you gotta do two things -- you have to love G-d (and that means loving yourself, because you're part of G-d [sorry, Gil Locks]), and you gotta serve G-d with all your heart. No mention of success - just effort and intention.
The parsha opens with a discussion of vows. The Meor V'Shemesh says people usually vow because they are angry, like we said. Frustrated with one's self, one would vow, as if to kill it at its root but vowing it away. Rebbe Natan of Breslov tells us that taking on extra mitzvot, like vows, is ribui or -- too much light. Breaks our vessels. And it usually comes because we think we're not doing enough. He brings the example of the Garden of Eden. G-d tells Adam not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge. The snake says to Havah "G-d said not to eat from any of the trees in the garden, right?" As if to say, I mean, you want to EAT? Come on, you should be Holy. And Havah says, “Well, G-d really said not to eat or touch the Tree of Knowledge.” She adds something on, because she feels like she's supposed to be mahmir, extra strict, and thats the end.
It's really Ok to accept who you are, that you are not perfect. Senseless hatred comes when we expect ourselves and everyone else to be perfect, and we're disappointed that they are not. If you walk around knowing that everyone is really imperfect, but they're trying, just like you, B"H we will see the rebuilding of the Temple this year, Amen.
Rav Gavriel Goldfeder
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Rav Gavriel Goldfeder is one of the first semicha recipients of the yeshiva. A graduate of Drew University in Religious Studies, he came to Bat Ayin after stints in other yeshivot and found a spiritual and intellectual home. Here he met his wife, Ketriellah, who was a student in our short-lived Women's Yeshiva. Upon graduation, Gavriel took the position of rabbi of the Aish Kodesh Congregation in Boulder, Colorado and together with Ketriellah and their growing family, they are busy creating (in Gavriel's words), "a community infused with Torah values, passion for learning and prayer, consideration of one another, and action, as well as deep celebration of the joys of life." |