R' Shlomo once wrote, somehow in the name of Rebbe Nachman, that sometimes your kid asks you for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but what he really wants is the All. He wants to know you are available with your whole being, which right now manifests in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You can satisfy his every desire, and he still wont be satisfied.
There's two kinds of waking up in the morning - you could wake up every day, fight the battle, get up, make it to minyan. Or you could really love to be awake, and every morning you spring out of bed, anticipating. You can love someone with your whole being, and anything they ask is like a minor detail for how much you love them. You're already looking for ways to make her happy - when she suggests flowers, you trip over yourself to do it.
Today, the 17th of Tamuz, the walls surrounding Jerusalem were breached. There's two kinds of walls - walls that contain, and walls that keep others out. If I love what I have inside, if I know how special it is, then I need to build walls to contain it, to direct it, to keep it special and sacred. If I dont love what I have inside, I build up walls to keep others from seeing how empty I am inside. The walls came down - good! Now I MUST look at whats inside - is it worth fighting for?
We must remember, these three weeks are a very powerful time. IT IS NOT A COMMANDMENT TO BE SAD. There is a difference between being sad and being broken-hearted. Sad is heavy, hopeless. Broken-hearted is crying to to be fixed, to be deeper, more sensitive. It sees the beauty inside itself and wonders why it can’t let itself be as beautiful as it is. This is a time to be broken-hearted - but not sad!! Mitzvah gedolah l'hiot b'simcha tamid - it is a big mitzvah to be happy always. Always, not most of the time, always.
No one said this year cant be the year. No one decreed that this year, Tisha B'Av will be like all the others. This year will be the ultimate joy, the total rebuilding! Do you feel that? Do you believe that? Or have you accepted already that it will be sadness...
Rav Gavriel Goldfeder
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Rav Gavriel Goldfeder is one of the first semicha recipients of the yeshiva. A graduate of Drew University in Religious Studies, he came to Bat Ayin after stints in other yeshivot and found a spiritual and intellectual home. Here he met his wife, Ketriellah, who was a student in our short-lived Women's Yeshiva. Upon graduation, Gavriel took the position of rabbi of the Aish Kodesh Congregation in Boulder, Colorado and together with Ketriellah and their growing family, they are busy creating (in Gavriel's words), "a community infused with Torah values, passion for learning and prayer, consideration of one another, and action, as well as deep celebration of the joys of life." |