According to the Ishbitzer Rebbe, this week's parsha is a lot about decision-making. First, he says, Bil'am was just hanging out, wanting to curse the Jews, but waiting for someone to commision him. Then he goes on to explain that when we are sure of what we must do, we must let nothing come in our way, whatever indications there may be otherwise. Obversely, when we really do not know what to do, we must wait patiently until we know, and not be deterred by signs we see (i.e. well, i guess if the bus comes in the next five minutes, I'll go to the mall). The issue is further complicated by the fact that God tells Bil'am he can go, and then sends His angel to stop him. Rashi comments that this seems to be something Hashem does fairly often, like with Avraham. There is an indication here of really needing to be clear on what we know and what we do not, what we know we need and what is not so clear. We must act from a deep place within, find the place of certainty, and if we cannot find it, wait. There seems to be no pattern, no formula. Even when you decide what you need to do, with certainty, you must let nothing deter you, but G-d might just stop you anyway. I, personally, am puzzled.
One answer I can offer myself is that there is really no such thing as a mission. Each "mission" is actually composed of infinitely many small missions, small decisions. It is said when a human makes a vessel, he makes it and he is done with it. But when G-d makes a vessel He is inherent in the vessel always. I think there is room to strive to be Divine in this way by not letting go so quickly. As the mission comes to fruition, we may still continue to guide it, beyond its conception, its formation, its manifestation, as it grows to constantly guide it more and more closely to its destination, with more and more detail. Is it possible to be fully passionate to do something and fully ready to give it up at the same time? Have you all heard about the holy woman who was praying to find her soul mate as she was walking toward her chuppah? Devotion and surrender.
Rav Gavriel Goldfeder
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Rav Gavriel Goldfeder is one of the first semicha recipients of the yeshiva. A graduate of Drew University in Religious Studies, he came to Bat Ayin after stints in other yeshivot and found a spiritual and intellectual home. Here he met his wife, Ketriellah, who was a student in our short-lived Women's Yeshiva. Upon graduation, Gavriel took the position of rabbi of the Aish Kodesh Congregation in Boulder, Colorado and together with Ketriellah and their growing family, they are busy creating (in Gavriel's words), "a community infused with Torah values, passion for learning and prayer, consideration of one another, and action, as well as deep celebration of the joys of life." |