Over Shavuot, I was told something that I found really disturbing. Shortly before we are given the Ten Commandments in the Torah, Hashem tells us, "You will be for me a nation of priests and a holy people." As the Midrash points out, there is a problem with the potentially and seemingly superfluous "for me," in Hebrew, lee (which has a Hebrew numerical value of 40). The same could have been said without the "for me." An interpretation I heard insinuated that our holiness at Mt. Sinai was only going to last 40 days, which alluded to the sad reality that after only 40 days, we committed the sin of the Golden Calf. Right now, just 40 days after we celebrate receiving the Torah do we begin the 3 weeks of mourning over the destruction of the Temple, which according to our Sages was in direct response to baseless hatred and disunity within the Jewish people.
In Chassidut, we have a concept of going down for the need of going up. In hard times, we can use this perspective to view something that may be potentially depressing as an actual springboard necessary for taking the next leap, reaching the next level of connection or understanding. Rebbe Nachman of Breslov has another teaching of equal truth; he teaches that we go up in order to go down. We strengthen in our connection, revelation and understanding and use that strength and the tools gained with it for when we go down into the darker places of our physical, spiritual and emotional realities.
This helps me a bit intellectually, but practically, I believe it all comes back to out level of awareness. Why do I only remember my toes are a part of me when I stub them? In terms of physical ailment, if we were sensitive enough, we could realize that something was wrong long before the pain had to get so excruciating. Pain doesn't have to scream to be noticed if we'd only be more aware. A teacher has said to me that we know, as Jews, that we're beyond the stars; we are not bound by natural or habitual law. So if I have no awareness or consciousness about the myself and the world, it can rule me; I will become a victim to the laws of nature or habit… but if I function from my higher, divine self, in an actively aware state (as the Torah teaches and as the mitzvahs facilitate), I can go beyond that.
We don't have to yell to get there. Maybe we just need to stay more conscious, above ego-level, remembering and choosing every day, every second, this life of Torah, experiencing its awesomeness with renewed commitment. Then again, it seems we may be purposefully caught in this pattern of rising and falling… so I have no answers, only food for thought. Can I just stay connected long enough not to fall when the Golden Calf comes along to tempt me only 40 days after I've seen the voice of G-d?! Can I preserve that experience strongly enough in my skin and bones that it doesn't happen, that I don't forget this time?! My soul is still there!!! It's just the aspect of body that forgets. Maybe we can be sensitive, honest and humble enough to experience ourselves disconnecting before it has to get to the point of the destruction of the Temple. Of course, in the end, Hashem is the Master Conductor and the first Temples had to be destroyed in order for us to receive the Third. Please G-d, it should be rebuilt speedily in our days! And perhaps, on the flip-side, if we sharpen our awareness, we may become sensitive to the possibility that the rebuilding is already in process.