Friends - Avraham sits at the opening of his tent. He thinks it hurts a lot from his recent surgery. But, really, it's never been so good. Avraham, with his new bris, his new covenant with Hashem, his new level of aspiration, has been bumped to the next level - new name, too. And it hurts. And, according to Rashi, he's a little bit frustrated that he has no one to welcome into his tent today, because it's so darned hot.
Rebbe Nachman talks about "na'aseh v'nishmah", the words "we will do, and we will hear", that were uttered by Israel in a moment of total faith and intense insight. It seems they should have said "We will hear, and we will do" - meaning, tell us what to do, and we'll do it. Instead, they say "we will do, and then we will hear". Rebbe Nachman explains that there is a certain level of insight about life, specifically what to do, how to be, that we grasp, and therefore, hopefully, do. In addition, however, there is a makif, a surrounding light, which is beyond us, which we cannot yet do fully, because we do not yet understand. Yet, when we finally get it, that insight that was beyond us comes inside; we understand it, and it then becomes the new "na'aseh", and its place is taken by new "nishmah" which we cannot yet understand. That new level can be so frustrating, because once again, we don't yet understand. And with that comes depression, or laziness, or lack of belief. Maybe we don't believe we actually went through a transformation.
Thank G-d, Avraham had indelible proof that he had changed - his bris, his changed name. Where is our proof? Unfortunately, it is often less obvious.
With Avraham in this new place, this new level of understanding, it hurts a bit. Such a transformation usually requires a cutting-away, a removal of something that you thought was essential - but part of covenant is giving something up, right?
So what does he do when he's down - he sits at his tent - he's looking to manifest his new level of awareness, his new level of being "av hamon goyim" - father of many nations, or caretaker of nations, as the Netziv writes. He really believes he has changed, and he is therefore able to tap into a new energy that he does not yet understand. This is so important - to believe that that new energy is available even though it cannot be seen or understood. And to start opening up to it - in whatever small ways, start making vessels for it.
We see Avraham go completely beyond himself so many times in this week's parsha. Self-transcendance is a privilege afforded only to those who believe they can go beyond themselves. If you don't believe you can, you won't. So when we enter that new place, that new level of relationship with each other, or G-d, or ourselves, and we cannot really make sense of it quite yet, but we know it's happened, and we know things have changed, we can take that opportunity of lack of self-definition to go completely beyond, to go into entirely new places.
To say that again, because it's so important: when we go through a transformation that breaks our sense of self down, and lets us know we are not who we think we are, even if it seems bad, that is the time to go completely beyond, to do something radically progressively forward. Invite strangers into your home. Wake up really early. Go almost sacrifice your son. Whatever it is, these are the opportunities to fly. and from there, as Nechemia once told me, when you go completely beyond, like the name of the parsha, you can see. Then, you, see. Good shabbes!
Rav Gavriel Goldfeder
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Rav Gavriel Goldfeder is one of the first semicha recipients of the yeshiva. A graduate of Drew University in Religious Studies, he came to Bat Ayin after stints in other yeshivot and found a spiritual and intellectual home. Here he met his wife, Ketriellah, who was a student in our short-lived Women's Yeshiva. Upon graduation, Gavriel took the position of rabbi of the Aish Kodesh Congregation in Boulder, Colorado and together with Ketriellah and their growing family, they are busy creating (in Gavriel's words), "a community infused with Torah values, passion for learning and prayer, consideration of one another, and action, as well as deep celebration of the joys of life." |