I know Bilaam is considered an evil person by our sages, but I can't stand but to love him. "Shocking" you say? I just can't seem to see it any other way. I remember years ago when I first read parsha Balak I thought to myself, (quietly of course so nobody would think I was sacrilegious) "According to the verses he seems to kind of be alright". Well, as I was told, "Wait just a second. You have to read Rashi now you'll see what his problem was." And read Rashi I did. Oh boy did I come to hate Bilaam now!
Let us take for granted then that Bilaam is indeed a rasha, an evil person. Nevertheless, we ultimately end up receiving some of the most profound prophecy and blessing in the entire Torah from his mouth! I think this can be understood through a simple premise. "Shema Yisrael, Hashem Elokanu, Hashem Echad". G-d is one; and in G-d being one it is therefore impossible that anything can be outside his jurisdiction or his control. Even evil, although often hard to see, is in His control.
Bilaam thought that if he appeared to be good that he would ultimately achieve his evil desires. However, as everything is from Hashem, this was doomed for failure. In the end, Bilaam's attempt to curse the people wound up as a blessing. This is true for all evil. I'm sure you've heard that we all have an evil inclination and a good inclination. This is usually thought of as two diametrically opposed forces pulling us in two different directions. As if to say that one is towards G-d and the other is not. That is simply impossible. Every which way you go, G-d is there. There may be moments that we think we are doing something against G-d's will, a sin. Again, it's impossible.
"Wait a second" you say! "That would mean I could do whatever I want and being that it's G-d's will it must be fine." That is where the problem comes in. Bilaam was all along pretending to be a good guy while continuously harboring ill-intent thinking he could get the bad done. This is the opposite of someone hoping to fulfill the intention of the Creator and finding himself 'off the path'. As it is states in tractate Brachot of the Talmud, "A person must serve Hashem with both his inclinations" If, G-d forbid, we are to find ourselves lost, thinking we are so far Hashem, we must remember that G-d is everywhere and in every situation and that all of our ways lead to blessing. We must look deeply in exactly that place where we find ourselves and look to discover just where the blessing is, precisely where I am. It is then that our place of distance from Hashem will be revealed as blessing and only closeness. Again, this is not to support one intentionally choosing to do evil, or that evil doesn't exist. Rather, if we keep our sights on seeking out G-d's desire, what he wants from us, and realize that we are human and we make mistakes, then maybe we can realize that there is something to learn from our mistakes and turn them into blessing.
So what do I love in Bilaam? Perhaps it's because he reminds me of my darkness, my own hardships and struggles and reminds me that in the end, with the proper intention, that no matter what I do they will end up as blessing. With this I feel whole. I feel whole knowing that everything I am, all the parts of me can be used to serve Hashem and that they most certainly will. And being whole I pray that all of my intentions and all of my inclinations may be used to serve the Master of the World.